Just because the world didn’t end in 2012, that doesn’t mean it won’t end next Saturday. According to a ‘viral video,’ this is the likely outcome of the weekend. This is why it is so important to avoid things with virus-like qualities, especially videos.
Instead of worrying, though, I say we should celebrate the life of the guy who kept the world from ending in 1983, when it very nearly did. Stanislav Petrov should have annihilated life on earth as we know it, but he didn’t (NPR, BBC, NYT, RT). It was his job to monitor Soviet airspace against incoming U.S. nuclear missiles and, should he happen to notice any, return fire. One day, he noticed some. Fortunately, instead of the barrage he was trained to look for, he only saw five incoming missiles. ‘Hmm,’ thought the brave Ruskie, ‘why would the Americans start a war with only five?’ ‘Hmm,’ he then thought, ‘we have a new radar system that hasn’t really been tested too well.’ Hmm, ‘ he then thought, ‘I have about ten minutes to decide what to do.’ And so he did nothing. He didn’t even report the blips on his screen. And so we’re still alive. And today he died. And Saturday is just around the corner. I guess it’s time for someone else to step up to the plate. Because, even if Nibiru doesn’t get us, someday the war may not be imaginary.