In case you were wondering what that smell is, it turns out that the internet is on fire! (I’m not sure who to call about this.) The reason? Michael J. Knowles has released a new book! Not interesting? OK, how about this–all the pages are blank! No? Ok, buster, how about this–it’s a #1 best seller on Amazon! Ha! Now, I stung ya, didn’t I? Didn’t see that one coming. Yes sir, a blank book is a best seller on Amazon? Who would be stupid enough to buy such a thing? Well, the title gives a clue: “Reasons To Vote For Democrats: A Comprehensive Guide” Get it? See, it’s blank, so that means there really aren’t any reasons. Ha! Now, go buy the book. Can you imagine the look on your liberal friends’ faces when they pick this sucker up off of your coffee table and flip through it? What do you mean you don’t let liberal people in your house? Not even the relatives? Well, you know what? Maybe somebody will just write a blank book about Donald Trump! THAT will show you, you isolationist conservative! Wait, there’s actually a book like that? Ha! I’ll buy that and put it on my coffee table. Imagine the look on my conservative friends’ faces when they…wait…I don’t really have any…oh, forget it. Maybe this is the new thing. Let’s all just write books and leave them blank–couldn’t be worse than the dialog we have now.
What I want to know is, why are the robots all dying and the boars all multiplying in Fukushima? (Quick quote from the article: “The city of Soma last year set up municipal incinerators specially designed to burn carcasses and filter out radioactive caesium. But the authorities said they lack the staff to stuff the animal parts down the furnace.” Oh, like that’s never happened to you, Mr. smugface?) Why can’t we just train the boars to eat the rest of the plutonium and solve everyone’s problems? And, how come South Korea gets to get rid of their president and we don’t get to get rid of ours? And how is the United States going to build a border wall through Native American territory that they don’t own? You know what I’m going to do? I’m going to leave a blank space at the end of this blog post. It’s going to be my answer to all of these questions and I think it’s going to be bloody well HILARIOUS. If you agree, let me know. Maybe I’ll write a best-selling book.